I recently participated in an email thread that started with an anonymous accusatory email I received last week. The exchange went something like this:

Crazy internet lady:   i said, you are the worst husband i know. i know that you love me, but you really hurt me sometimes. you seem so often not to appreciate how hard i am working to make our family be okay. i do so much and you so rarely acknowledge that. and do you not think i wish i had perfect skin? but i have all these hormones coursing through my body from giving birth to our son and being on the pill. not in my control. but the things that are in my control, i give my whole heart to. and you just sit back and make your smart ass remarks to try and make me feel small. and i don’t understand that because i know i am such an amazingly strong, good woman whose family is my absolute first priority. i would think you’d appreciate that more and let me know that often. but you don’t. and so i think you suck.

Jon:  I think you may have sent this to the wrong person. Perhaps.

Crazy internet lady: see what i mean? that’s all you can say… thanks for trying to see my point of view, as always (or never as the case may be).

Jon: I’m so glad I can continue to be a loving, caring husband to you.

Crazy internet lady: okay, so you don’t really even love me. my mistake.

Jon: apology accepted.

Crazy internet lady: i’ll say this as lovingly as i can, Font you!

Jon: Aw, that’s sweet

Crazy internet lady:yep, you are the absolute worst. don’t bother with a smart ass reply. i’m going to bed.

Jon:  Sweet dreams, fake wife of mine!

Crazy internet lady: can’t sleep. how’s this for a reality check? if i can’t get a full-time teaching job with a county, i’m looking at a $10,000 to $20,000 cut in pay. so there’s no way i’ll be able to pay any of your bills next year. so you really might want to get on establishing your own blog/website so you can start stock-piling money.

Jon: Yeah, that’s a good idea. I just registered www.thebesthusbandintheworldwiththeworstwifeintheworld.com. Do you think that will draw in a lot of traffic?

Crazy internet lady: oh, my God. that is HILARIOUS. you really aren’t my husband! i just checked with my husband and found out his e-mail is different. so sorry i vented to you, but i’m glad for the laugh today. it’s been a crappy week. the universe is a funny place – i can’t believe this! have a nice life, mistaken husband…

I feel bad for the real husband. No really, I do.

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I just came across this article on Forbes about the $700 billion bailout plan, and this quote is all I needed to read:

“[The dollar figure is] not based on any particular data point,” a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. “We just wanted to choose a really large number.”

It almost feels like an article written for The Onion. Sadly, it’s the real deal. And now that everyone knows the economy runs on love, puppies, and free government dollars, we just need to find some love and puppies.

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