i discovered a foolproof plan for enjoying a cost-free evening at the manayunk brewery last night:

1. wear or bring a baseball cap to the venue. make sure it is not turned around backwards, which will give the impression that you are a gang member or a drug dealer.
2. when you are ready to leave, flip the cap around on your head so you are now wearing it backwards,like a gang member or a drug dealer.
3. make an effort to catch a bouncer’s eye. the bouncers tend to look and act like the other drunk customers, so they can be hard to pick out. if you see a skinny white dude with gelled up hair, there’s a good chance he’s a bouncer.
4. if you successfully catch the bouncer’s eye, he will come over and ask you to wear your hat the “right” way.
5. act a bit surprised, but oblige him anyway.
6. as soon as he walks away, make sure to turn your hat back around because real gang members have pride.
7. when he looks back to check on you, he will see that you are staying true to your drug dealer roots.
8. if you have carried out the above steps properly, the bouncer will come back over and escort you out of the brewery because drug dealers and people that look like them are not welcome at the manayunk brewery.
9. when the two of you reach the door, the bouncer may be a bit rude and knock your hat off your head while calling you an “asshole”. take this in stride, since you just enjoyed an evening of sushi and microbrewed beer on the house. not too shabby!

dropping off the face of the internet was fun for a while, but i just can’t stay away for good. for those who aren’t in the know, i started a new job three weeks ago. it’s super crazy fun times. and for those who are in the know, well, now you know what you know now, no?

the biggest news of this week by far is that i have been selected for philadelphia jury duty. i was so excited when i opened my mailbox to see this: